It's not the red in your eyes or the fact that you've lost twenty pounds. No. You don't become too antisocial to your family and good old pals. Pals. An emotional stare of dying pain in your eyes is well hidden to most, ignored by others; confronted by few (if any).You cry while alone or with one of your clan who is living the same hell. No one else sees you, an invisible soul bleeding in the shadows; hidden by society. Nobody you know can even begin to try and understand the thoughts you think and the way you feel. At least some admit they can't. Neverless, you're misunderstood.
Why, it's not that you don't want to do good for yourself -- you've tried. It just seems you can't and now, you couldn't even fathom how. I ask you, does it make you a bad person when you grow indifferent to your own death and suffering? To become a numb being whose learned to inflict hurt upon yourself because that's all that takes the pain away. The pain that they have inflicted upon you. See, people hurt you repeatedly and never even so much as apologized. They just don't seem to care. It's not the pain that hurts so bad ... but other's indifference.
Never, never had you cast the first stone or tried to hurt. Many times, however; you were the receiver of painful injustice. You couldn't just let it go -- let it be. Then one day you make them realize what they've done; when they never forget the UNEASY look in your eyes after the first time you hurt yourself. It's not the scratches on your arms that run so deep but ...
Things lead up to it ya know, events (of a sort). You don't DECIDE. Just wake up on a sunny spring day to singing sparrows and decide to sink a shining spike into a warm waiting vein while listening to Hendrix. Shoot some of that dope and decipher Louis Armstrong's philosophies of beautiful girls, a beautiful world, birds, trees, children and momma's good home creole cooking.
NOPE, it's not that simple or so sweet. Most of you come from screwed up households in one way or another. Fighting, abuse, divorce, neglect, lies and usually very inherent previous family substance abuse are some possible involving factors.
You're probably a bit more sensitive than others, you know, and that bothers them. You're intelligent, deep and sometimes poetic in many ways. Others see you quite differently, you're weird to them ... foreign. Like anything else to them that they're unfamiliar with or uneducated about. Labeled as bad by them because they don't know how to begin to know you. Do they want to know you? To them, you become looked upon as a savage.
Eventually you allow the 'commoners' to take all from you. They win the battle ... your struggle. Love is taken from you first and pride is stolen simultaneously. Beauty betrays and kills your soul. A lock of hair is cut and saved for a memory of what you once were. Pain inside aches and hurts the bones. The heart and your faith become worn and beaten. You ask God where He's been. Finally, you're left alone.
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